How to Overcome Your Fears

in a few simple steps

How To Overcome Your Fears

You know, I am not sure when I started realizing fears, but I assume it was when I was pretty young. For me, fears just always seemed to be part of my daily life. Maybe it was when I first fell off my bike as a kid, or when I put my hand on a hot stove, who knows? I do know that fears if they are not managed correctly, will control you.

 

Here is just a quick story about overcoming a specific fear.

 

It was the day before I got married to my first wife. About six weeks prior I had told her that I wanted to learn skydiving. She said to me that there was no way I was doing that after we get married. That’s what she thought!

 

I took all the training (in secret, of course), and then finally the day came to take my first dive. I was so confident getting in the helicopter, I was still confident when we took off and even when we got to about 9,000 feet. Then it happened, it was time to put on our parachutes and get ready for the dive. I remember thinking all the what if’s.

 

What if the chute does not open?
What if I land wrong?
What if I forget what to do?
What if I die?

 

The fear was so overwhelming. I have never felt anything like that before in my life. The fear was so intense that I could feel it in my neck, in my back, and in my heart. The fear was rampant!

 

There was a young girl in the helicopter with me who was doing her second dive and she said to me. Just let go and the fear will vanish.

 

So, here I am, on the platform holding on for dear life. My hands and my body were shaking like crazy then I remembered what the young girl said to me…Just let go. I know that all it would take was for me to open my palms and that would be it. Just one quick second, just one short movement. That’s all it would take. So, I took a deep breath and quickly let go. Instantly I was hurled back from the helicopter. There wasn’t even enough time to reconnect with the handle on the platform. It was done and I was falling. After about 3-4 seconds I pulled the cord and launched my parachute. It was amazing. The young girl was right, all of my fears dissolved immediately once I let go.

 

What a fantastic experience. When I landed on the ground I couldn’t wait to get back up and do it again. I called my fiancé right away to tell her. Needless to say, she was not as ecstatic as I was, especially the day before the wedding. You see, if I had given into the fear that I was experiencing in the helicopter, I would have never made that first jump and that could have changed the whole trajectory of my life.

 

As a result, I went on to try bungee jumping, base jumping, and even bridge jumping.

 

 

skydiving

Everyone Experiences Fears

Even today I still experience fears. Sometimes they are more intense than others, but I still get them. The important thing to remember is that you must recognize them for what they are and then learn to manage them.

I am sure that if I gave you a list of my fears that some of them would resonate with you right away.

Randy’s Fears Are

I am sure that there are plenty more, but for the sake of example, this list will do for now.

So, what are your fears and how can you learn to overcome them?

1. Do Not Try to Eliminate Fear

Fear can not be eliminated no matter how hard you try. Fear is the signal that your Ego sends to your brain and body to keep you safe. Otherwise, you might walk out in the middle of the road and get hit by a bus or jump out of a perfectly good helicopter without a parachute.

Fear is designed to keep you safe You don’t want to change that. I talk to people all the time that try to meditate it away or hypnotize themselves into not being fearful. It just does not work. It is the way that we are all wired.

Fear will also keep you on your toes. It helps to keep you alert and aware and even more focused on what you are doing.

Fear is what keeps me from eating 10 Pogo’s for breakfast every morning.

2. Framing Your Mistakes and Failures

Failure is not a bad thing. It’s not like when you were in school and you failed a test and the teacher gave you an “F”: Then your Parents would make you study extra hard so that you could improve. As children, we framed this as punishment.

As human beings, failures are how we learn. This is how we get good at what we do. We learn by the mistakes and the failures that we create. Mistakes provide us with information. knowledge and understanding and sometimes even warnings. All of which impress on us what not to do the next time around.

mareix-kungfu

How cool would it be if we could just do what Neo did in The Matrix and download the education directly into our brain? But then, we would miss out on the experiences and it is the experiences that make us who we are.

Framing is how we look at what we have done or what we are doing. Framing is perception. How we frame things will determine how we feel. If you frame an unfortunate incident as a bad thing, then expect to feel bad. But if you frame it as a great opportunity to either learn, change, or even achieve, then that should make you feel great. It is really that simple.

Remember, what you think and what you feel WILL create the reality that you live in.
Failures make you stronger. As humans, we evolve when we stretch our muscles. If you go to the gym and work out. The more that you work those muscles, the more the muscles will grow and become stronger.

So, failures also help us to evolve. When we are knocked down and have to get back on our feet again, it may seem hard the first time. The next time that it happens it will get a bit easier. Each time this happens you will build up a little more resilience.

Man, I have been in business for over 30 years and I still get knocked down. The key is to get up, dust yourself off, and take one tiny step forward.

3. Write Out what Could Happen if you were to Fail

I love this part. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write out a list of the worst possible things that could possibly happen to you if you fail. Make a list of as many things that you can think of. The list should have a minimum of ten items or more.

Nowhere on that list is it going to say starvation, sickness, or death. Nowhere on the list will it say that you will never recover. When you write this out and you actually sit down and read them over, you will realize that the worst things that could happen are really rather silly and certainly not worth worrying about.

Keep that list handy and refer to it regularly when you are feeling fearful or worrisome. I keep my list in the top drawer of my desk and yes, I refer to it at least once a week.

4. Here is a Quote that Really Resonated with me

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home, and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Dale Carnegie

When you take action, knowledge follows, and confidence will follow that. That is true for everything that we do in life. For example, a Welder that has read a book on welding may have theoretical understanding, but without the action or the experience of doing it can never become a real welder. But if he takes an action, then he will be able to turn that theory into the experience. Each time he welds, he gets a little better until he is so good at it that he becomes confident in his craft.

There is no room for fear when you have the knowledge. Fear comes from not knowing. Fear is always present when there is a lack of understanding. So, the best way to overcome the uncomfortable feeling of fear is to get the knowledge and become so good at what you do that your confidence becomes unshakable.

Fear cannot reside in a confident environment.

5. Do Not Listen to the What If’s or The Nay-Sayers

There are always going to be two types of negative chatter going on no matter what you do.

  1. The Internal Chatter (aka The What If’s) The opinions that go on in your own mind
  2. The External Chatter (The Nay Sayers) These are the opinions of other people.

It’s important to remember that this is just chatter and it cannot physically harm you. Your internal chatter comes from your lack of knowledge. In order to overcome the chatter in your head, replace that with actionable knowledge. It never completely goes away; the chatter will just move to another what if statement that you fear. So, every time that you get some negative chatter in your head, just replace that with knowledge. The good news is that the more that you do this, the quieter the chatter becomes.

I find that my chatter is most prevalent in the early morning. This is the time that it is also the loudest. What if this, what if that, what if the next thing. I have learned to relax and focus my mind on something constructive. Then the chatter just seems to vanish for the moment.

On the other hand, the external chatter is also something that you are in control of. You may not be able to control the opinions of your friends and family, but you can control whether you are available to listen to it or not. I call these people the Nay-Sayers. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinions and yes, you are entitled to whether you want to listen to it or not.

person-yelling-1

Opinions are derived from people that are making uneducated claims about other people, places, or things. These opinions are more times than not unsubstantiated and have no real value.

I have created a habit over the last 10 years to feel empathy for the Nay-Sayers. These are the people that condemn what you do on Social Media or send you a condescending e-mail or text you with their negative views. These people are more to be pitied than scorned. I mean really, how bad does someone’s life have to be if they hurt another person to make themselves feel good. That’s really sad!

Don’t allow others to determine what or who you are. The only person that has that right is you and only you. Your aspirations are yours, and yours alone. Therefore, what other people think is really inconsequential. They are not in your shoes and never will be. Just take it with a grain of salt.

6. Understand that Things Will Go Wrong

Nothing is perfect and nothing ever stays the same. We are continually living in an ocean of motion. The sooner that you understand this the better. Even though you think that your life is the same today as it was yesterday; it’s not. It is constantly evolving. Understand that things are going to go wrong. You can’t have all the good and none of the bad. Otherwise, you would never be able to tell the difference between the good and the bad.
I tend to look at the bad things that happen as viable information that I can apply to future endeavors to help me achieve my goals quicker. It’s all in how you look at the things that go wrong that will determine how you will respond to them. You can either frame it as opportunity or frame it as misfortune. The choice is always yours.

Things are going to go wrong, it’s inevitable. Don’t try to fight it, just accept it for what it is. More Information!

I can tell you firsthand that I must be the most informed person on the planet.

Here is just a suggestion. Get control of your emotions. The easiest way to overcome the fear of loss or when something goes wrong is to smile. Smiling somehow makes the situation seem not so bad. Just keep smiling until the fear passes. I have found that fear has a hard time living in a happy environment. If you can’t think of anything to smile about, then just think of all the things that you are grateful for in your life. Turn them into another list and keep it by your side. I keep a Gratitude Journal and I update it every single day of my life.

7. Don’t Do it for The Money

Did you know that people that start a business for the money are most likely to fail? Apparently, that is a fact according to an article that I read in Forbes Magazine in 2019. Your reasons or your purpose should far exceed the financial rewards that you get from your business.

After my first failed business in 1984, I met a man by the name of John Stockard. He asked me why I thought that my business had failed. So, I gave him all kinds of reasons, the economy, my costs went up, not enough sales, etc. He then asked me what was my why? Why did I get into business in the first place? So, I said to make more money and have a better life. He said “Wrong”! Money is never a Why. He said to me that your why needs to be a strong enough reason to get up in the morning and exciting enough to make you want to work your business every single day. He said that your why needs to be established before you decide to go into business, not during or after. Why will be the thing that keeps you going when things seem the worst.


I refer to the book by Simon Sinek called Start with Why

Click Here to Get the Book from Amazon

Once you establish your why or your purpose; setting supportive goals and milestones is easy to figure out.

I look at goals as the things that you want to achieve, and milestones are the tasks that need to be completed along the road to your goals. Your goals need to be re-created every month and reviewed every day to get optimal results. Your goals need to be the things that really turn you on, that really get you excited.

Goals are divided in to 2 groups

  1.  Active Goals (Short Term Goals)
  2.  Long Term Goals

In this article, we are only going to be covering short-term goals or active goals.

What goals do you want to achieve by the end of the month? Write them down.

Now, let’s not get crazy. Only select a goal that you think should be attainable in 30 days. Below your goal, write a list of all of the necessary tasks or to-do’s that need to be completed to achieve that goal.

Look at your list of tasks every day and try to accomplish something on that list. Once a task is completed, then just check it off. You do this every day and by the end of the month, your goal will be achieved. Hooray!

If learning how to set goals is important to you, then click the button below and set up a free session. I have a great goal-setting system that I use that I would be happy to share with you.

Click Here to Book a Goal Setting Session

8. Follow a Process

Learn a new process that will serve you and then commit to it for the next 30 days. The old habits of the past need to be replaced with new and better ones before they will take.

  • Time Management
  • Goal Setting
  • Finding New Prospects
  • Daily Marketing and Promotion
  • To Do’s

Don’t give in to the old habits of your past. It is always easier to do what is familiar, but familiar is not always what is best for you or your business.

Find a Coach or a Mentor that wants to help you. Choose someone that is not strictly in it for the money. You want to work with someone that genuinely cares about you and your success.

Here’s a Tip: if they ask you for a payment before they offer you any help, then keep looking. If they want you to buy their courses without any previous personalized interaction, then move along. You need to work with someone that cares about your success more than making money.

If you can’t find anyone to help you, then call me and I will be glad to work with you.

Click Here to Book a Coaching Session

9. Never Quit and Never Say Die!

Real failure occurs only when you quit because when you quit, that makes it final. Nothing more can be done from that point. Until then, the possibility is still in your corner, and opportunities can still come your way.

Understand that there are always going to be No’s. There are always going to be people that don’t like your products, your business, or sometimes even you. That’s Ok! I tell all my Jedi Padawans that you have to go through the No’s to get to the Yeses. The more No’s that you get, the better it is. You want those No’s! No’s are Good!

Have faith in the process. As long as you are working your process, you can’t help but win. Fear will always be there lurking in the background no matter how successful you become. Get used to it and learn to accept it for what it is. It is just a thought and like any thought, you can choose to accept it or reject it. Most of all, don’t let those voices in your head lead you down a path to destruction.

You will either learn to control your fears or your fears will control you!

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Courage is the act of overcoming Fear. Courageous is the daily practice of Courage. I Am The Fearless Marketer. No one ever got ahead from settling in mediocrity. It is when you stretch your imagination and choose the unknown that true success is attained

The Fearless Marketer

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